There’s 1 Question that I’ve asked my mom countless times during my 28, almost 29, years. That is, Why don’t boys/guys/men like me?
As an Aunt and friend, it breaks my heart to hear a young lady question or doubt her beauty and worth. I cannot imagine how it must rip my mom apart to hear those words leave my lips while loving me unconditionally and seeing only the best in me. She must wonder the same thing. She comforts me by telling me God is in control and He is, but…
On one hand, there is no but… God is my Father. He created everything and everyone. He is in control. Period…?
Because it seems like every other female He created is getting attention or adoration from the men He created. I just wonder how some of His creation are seen differently than other things made by the same creator. How can my best friend be a magnet of male adorers while I remain untouched?
Then there’s GRACE that keeps blessing me with things I don’t deserve and I appreciate it, but how does one apply Grace to emotions? How do I show my heart Grace when it’s longing to know the Love of a spouse? How do I show Grace to my body when week after week I do my best to take care of it, yet I’m still not the ideal image? How do I tell an 8 year old girl who isn’t the traditional body type that it’s because of Grace that she’s being bullied or rejected?
I can look back and see Grace working, but in the moment, I can’t say I felt it. I can’t stay that I feel, in this exact moment, God’s Grace covering me and my desire to be married. Grace saved me from a marriage that was headed for destruction, but I didn’t feel gracious as my heart crumbled to the floor and tears raced down my cheek as the divorce was finalized.
This teaches me that Grace isn’t to be felt; Grace is to be known. The scripture says, “Be still and KNOW that I am God.” There’s strength in knowledge; especially God-knowledge.
I am Eryka