I am Eryka and I am Beautiful.
As I remind myself that God only creates beautiful, complete things, I can't help but smile.
My weekend has been eventful. I wasn't on schedule to teach @ church, but for whatever reason I studied anyway and this morning the other teacher asked me to go in her place. I love teaching. I'm grateful for the favor of God in my life that enables me to do what I absolutely adore.
I sat out in pursuit of "pleasure" from the opposite sex last night – I was disappointed when it didn't happen, but in hindsight, I'm glad I didn't. If I had sex, would I have been asked to teach today? Would I have been on time, or would I have used not having to teach mixed with whatever emotions sleeping with him would've brung as an excuse to slack off this morning? I'll never know, because God blocked it.
One of my best friends is sexually active and there's nothing blocking her. It just happens for her. Why isn't there an invisible cock blocker on her team? I seek answers to questions like these then God reminds me that I am uniquely and wonderfully formed. I am not to be compared to or conformed to anyone else and the same applies to every other individual on the planet. I believe the Holy Spirit blocks certain things in my life because I made a vow to God to maintain my purity, and as aroused as I get sometimes, the thought of honoring God and being an example He can point at to encourage others inspires me to hold on a little longer.
This is the face you make when God says 'Wait' but you try to run ahead, He blocks you, then shines you up before putting you back in proper position. He's always right. You'd think I'd stop fighting by now.
So, today has been beautiful. I felt pure and safe while worshipping God this morning in my pretty pink dress. My mom made a comment about me looking like a little girl although I had on 5 inch stilettos, but even that is an honor. She saw purity. She had no idea that last night my mind was wondering and my body anxious for some kind of attention. But God kept me. It had to be Him because my mind was made up… or so I thought.
I believe that because I studied the word all week, I was conscious of it even while trying to act like I wanted to rebel. The deeper I get in God, the harder it is to turn off. See, sometimes in church we carry two people within us. There's the individual that church people see, then there's the person that does what they do when they do it in the world. Ive learned that the deeper I get in the calling and the more I continue to show up, the more ridiculous I look and feel when I try to put on other hats. I'm not those Erykas anymore. I'm a new Eryka and God has angels on every post protecting me from demons all around and even those within my own self.
It's amazing. I stand in awe of God. Not only did He create everything, but He created a complete Man to whom which He designed me to Help. He gives us purpose each and every day. Somewhere in the spirit, I'm already attached to the man I will someday call Husband. Somewhere in the spirit, I am He and He is Me and therefore, I can't be sleeping around and taking off my Crown to dance around with the enemy.
I digress. I love Jesus. He keeps proving Himself real even when I don't ask!
I am Eryka