Personal

Mr. Wrong, again

Age old tale. Boy meets girl. Boy woos girl. Boy convinces girl to sleep with him. Boy gets distant. Boy blames girl for his odd behavior. Boy eventually walks away altogether.

I would ask why, but the truth is, there’s probably no real answer. Why would a man string a woman along just for one night of pleasure? Why waste money? Time? Why lie? Why not just ask for sex on day one? Why cause the woman to compromise? Why sell so many empty dreams? More than anything, why treat the woman as if she’s crazy when she catches feelings but you’ve dropped her altogether? It’s as if these guys forget all the lines and dates and sweet nothings they sold this woman. They think her feelings are far fetched and words like “crazy” and “delusional” are thrown around like darts. It’s unfair.

I know for a fact that I am not delusional nor am I crazy. What I am, and have been in the past, is heartbroken and hurt. Pain drives people to do things out of the ordinary. When a man sells you a dream, you believe it. When he flips the script, it catches you off guard. You’re not delusional because you remember the original lines. You’re human. The guys are the delusional ones. They don’t process emotions well. I have no idea what goes on in the male brain and I won’t speculate. The one thing I know for sure, for sure is that men and emotions don’t mix. They’re like oil and water. Powerful on their own, but a total disaster when combined.

Men try to be emotional. That’s when they’re calling and saying all the right words to flatter the girl. Their idea of emotion is the game they run on us. Then once sex happens, for some, the game is over or is less appealing. The calls get fewer because the trophy as been achieved already. Marriage is idealized because it gives the idea that sex is guaranteed but I know many married men who flee and many married women who live sexually Unfulfilled. Why is the human sexual appetite so bipolar? One day it’s on; the next it’s off. As a result, women end up angrily texting and calling lovers who suddenly fall off the planet. Men end up blocking women they once couldn’t breathe without. All because the thrill is gone. Women love to be chased. Men love to chase. In some ways, at least in my experience, sex, even good sex, kills the chase. The blinders are off and suddenly everyone shows their true colors. The moody male begins to be less romantic. The needy female begins to rely more on the man’s attention which is in return withdrawn even further.

It’s a recipe for disaster. This is why I tried so hard to stay away from sexual relationships and encounters. I made it 2 years and 10 months. Yay me, but in reality, my mind has been sexually active the entire time. Once my heart went there, the sin was committed. I had been holding on to my celibacy as if it were a prize. In reality, I am the prize. I’m not awarded to the highest bidder or the one who works the hardest. I’m being saved for the one who has complete victory over everything in Christ and who is grateful every single day that He attained his trophy.

I deserve to be desired. I deserve to be chased. I deserve dates. I deserve time. I deserve to be waited for. I deserve to be covered in prayer. My parents deserve to meet the gentleman who courts me. I deserve to be respected. I deserve to have my standards applauded and reached, not dismissed. I deserve Love, fully, completely & consistently. Man may fail, but God’s Love is PERFECT.

I am still learning. I bump my head every now and then, but thank God the bruise never lasts long.

I am Eryka.

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