So… life is funny.
My blog posts are very transparent. It’s obvious that I’m emotional and I think way too much. It should also be obvious that I’m absolutely in Love with Jesus Christ and I am doing my absolute best to be more like him.
Well… that said. I’m kinda really excited. On yesterday, I woke up grieving. I cried for hours. I sang. I wrote, but mostly I cried. My daddy came and wrapped his arms around me and just let me sob into his shoulder. It was a perfect moment. It was painful. It was emotional, but so very perfect. My daddy held me!!!!
I was also approached by my aunt with a job offer that I honestly don’t want to refuse. I applied and tomorrow I take the test. To God be the Glory! My prayer partner left a powerful prayer on my voicemail and within minutes of hearing it, God began shaking stuff up.
The man I want to marry called me via FaceTime.
– I dreamt of & wrote about my deceased Bishop back on July 27th.
– Ran into one of his sons that I had never met the very next day.
– If we go through the blog archive’s we’ll see that around July 28, I was very much in my flesh and kinda spiraling out of control.
– We talked for a few weeks. Had one date. It seemed promising but I sabotaged it because that’s been what I do best. We stopped talking on August 19th.
– God immediately held a mirror up to me and I began seeing all the ugliness that still existed beneath my heart’s surface.
I’ve been in therapy with God since Aug 20. He’s maturing me and correcting me in many areas. It’s been painful, but something broke yesterday! Something shifted. My belief was reawakened. My hope dares to live again. My thoughts are clear and quiet. God did something and yesterday it blossomed even more.
So, why did he call? Well, first let me just say how he chose the worst possible moment to decide to video chat. I was cramping and laying down. I wasn’t “dressed” or “prepared” to see Him. But… God, right? His ways are not mine. His thoughts are so much higher than mine. So this man called me and immediately we were both blushing and smiling way too hard, but his call showed me his heart. He has forgiven me. He’s not holding my childishness against me, but he also seems to have learned from his mistakes as well. The word “marriage” was not used and I am doing my absolute best to take this one millisecond at a time… but, I feel God’s hand on me! He’s looking at me. He’s working on me. He’s straightening my collar and adjusting me. He’s perfecting that which concerns me because I am His.
So… the video chat lasted about 30 minutes. He texted me last night. Of course, I’m giddy, but I’m also grateful. I’m grateful that God saw fit to display his love and forgiveness through that man.
Y’all, this man is something else! He’s the one I want to marry – not because he’s handsome and a hard worker, but because He loves Jesus so much that He walked away from me when I threatened His relationship with God. Maybe one day I’ll share just how I tried to sabotage things. For now, just take my word for it but I know for sure that God used this very situation to build a testimony in me.
I will live and not die. I’ve got a story to tell! It’s still being written. Stay tuned.
I am Eryka.