Personal

False Courage

This just in…

Ever have one of those moments when you’re reacting to life instead of responding to it and God checks your heart real quick to bring you back to reality? I know I’m not the only one… well, this idea of courage… courage is being brave, right? And being brave means not backing down and facing the fight with confidence? Eh, so I thought.

Since I was a small child, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with snakes. I pretty much love to hate them. I’m not sure where the fear came from. I speak of it often. My parents have a good bit of land, so I’m always on guard concerning that. Recently, I killed one and I felt all brave and bold like finally I faced it! God checked my heart just now. He told me that the whole concept of killing your fear and wearing it as shoes is false courage.

True courage is going forward confident in my identity learning to co-exist and eventually rise above the idea of fear. Sure, I can go around smashing snakes and making belts, but that doesn’t change the dreary feeling that comes over me when I contact one or see one on something. It doesn’t take away the paranoia when walking through the woods. Being able to embrace the snake as it is, as I am is true courage.

Someday, I’ll get there. I’m grateful to know that I’ve been approaching it wrong.

This also applies to life and relationships. It’s one thing to run away from every sign of something that frightens you; it’s another to walk through in spite of that one sign to see what could happen. It’s not brave to date after divorce. It’s brave to embrace the idea of loving another imperfect human being even after being hurt or changed by another person.

It is impossible for hope and fear to co-exist. One must be compromised for the other.

It’s actually simple. I’ve been making it hard. I can trust. I’ve been choosing not to based on my fear of what could happen.

I no longer care what could happen. Maybe a snake will fall on me. Maybe I’ll meet the love of my life. Maybe I’ll wake up 30 pounds thinner. Maybe my dog will grow wings and fly. Anything can happen; anything happens all the time. Living in fear of anything is stupid. It’s also overrated.

I dare to live in expectation of the anythings of life.

I AM Eryka.

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