Oh yes! It’s about to get real EPIC around here! Every year towards the end of the year, I seek God for a vision for the coming year. Last year, God impressed #EPIC2017 on my heart for this year.
Epic means big, grand… powerful even. It’s December. Has this year been Epic?
Well, overall it has been! The acronym for Epic is Evolutionary Power Impacting Change. I’ve definitely been changed this year, quite a few times actually.
I’ve let go of old friendships. I killed off old voices who enjoyed feeding me lies of insecurity. I’ve transformed from one who eats the meat of the word to one who prepares a meal based on the meat and serves it to others. My interaction with the other sex is very matter-of-fact-like. I now show up knowing who I am, who sent me, and what role I play in this thing I’m in. Sure, there’s much that I don’t know, but that’s why I have the Holy Spirit. God knows everything.
It is currently 2:50 AM. When I began writing this post, I did not know how drastic my day would change just moments later. The entire message was to embrace the now because now is all you have, and God is so God…
So, at 8:45 PM or so I sat down to write this post. My mom called for me just as I typed “God Knows everything.” She said her leg was hurting. I began rubbing the place where she said the pain. Within seconds, she said there was pain in her chest. Then she wasn’t saying anything at all. Then her eyes were in the back of her head and she was sweaty. Within seconds. I called 9-1-1, the paramedics came and she’s currently stabilized and spending at least one night in the hospital.
When I sat down to write this post the first time, I was in my head about what could happen within the next few weeks to really exemplify #EPIC2017. I was dreaming up ideas of reconciling with an old flame or meeting a new one. I had no idea my mom would suddenly fall ill. I also didn’t expect my counseling session to be interrupted last Wednesday by Mom being rushed to the hospital. It seems there’s a pattern. While I’m out in La La land venting about my emotions or lost in my thoughts, my Mom is transitioning. She’s retiring in weeks. She’s turning 65 this Tuesday. She’s not the 35 year old woman who birthed me anymore. She’s seasoned and refined and so much better, but she’s older. The body, mind and spirit changes over time. Looking back, I can see how Epic 2017 has been to my mom. She too has evolved and grown. God is intentional.
My mom hasn’t ever been ill to the point of being down. She’s the one that’s bedside to everyone else. As bad as I needed it to, The world didn’t stop when she did. In fact, my world kinda begun. I’m used to being the youngest person in the room. I’m the baby of the family. Tonight, I realized that anything can happen at a moment’s notice and I must be ready. It’s time that I step up and grow up in my world. It’s time that I take more of a leadership role – not only behind the scenes, but also publicly. In a sense, I feel as though I’m becoming the Woman of the house. I was imagining the title would come with a husband, but instead it comes with purpose. Daddy still needed tending too. The home still has its chores. There’s still life to be lived. I’m becoming a woman capable of continuing my mom’s legacy in and out of her presence.
The baton has been passed to me. As I take it, and run, I know Jesus is with me and has sent angels before me. I bind all insecure thoughts and emotions that may rise. I bind the spirit of neediness. Everything I needed to hold me together and get me through this evening was within me. No other sibling showed. No one was there to hold me and wipe my tears. I had to be strong for mom and for dad. I had to Man Up and though I had my moment, it was with God. He’s really, really here with me.
So what do the coming 22 days hold? Only God knows, but I’m anchored and prepared to play my role.
Keep my mom in your prayers please.
I am Eryka