Well today was wonderful.
God has gifted my mom with another year! Today is her 65th birthday! Needless to say, last week’s health scare makes this Birthday all the more meaningful. Every birthday is special, but this year, I believe my perspective is what has allowed today to shine.
On my birthday, I was rather depressed. I blogged that entire week about my ups and downs. I found myself grateful for the gifts and affection I received, but in my heart of hearts I was sad. I was broken and so was my perspective. Here I am just four months later with an entirely new perspective and it all came to me, like an epiphany.
My mother is amazing. I don’t say this because she’s mine. I say it because it is truth. She cooks. She bakes. She’s the mom that makes homemade treats for her kid’s entire class, just because. She’s the mom that sacrifices sleep to get the report typed, the project perfected or the meal just right. She’s there selflessly. She tries and tries and tries. She seems to never run out of ways to give to her family. She’s amazing. To God be the Glory!
Last week, for a brief second, I thought she was gone. In a breath, just gone. It was an instant. I don’t remember the exact hour and minute, but I remember her face, her skin and the stillness of it all. When it seemed that she had stopped, so did the entire universe as I knew it… but as only God can, He spoke it back into motion. Movement happened although my mind was stuck. Progress took place although my hands were idle. He did what He does. I saw it. I was there & finally, I accepted that so is God. He’s really there. He sees it all. He hears it all. He knows it all.
Because He knows it all, and I know Him, I am awarded this confidence that allows peace to be still in my life. If I rely on what I can do, or what Mama does, I will eventually reach an end. When I rely on God, there is no end. So the body may get sick. The boyfriend may desert me. The tow truck may come retrieve the vehicle. Anything is possible, but no matter what happens and when it happens, GOD KNOWS IT ALL. In the event that anything does happen, I am safe. I am covered. I am healed. I am whole. I am Loved. It’s not circumstantial. It’s not a feeling but a knowing.
When Mom was in the hospital, I didn’t feel strong, but I knew God was. When the marriage failed, I didn’t feel desirable but I know I am. As people walk away from me without so much as a ‘goodbye’, I don’t feel loved, but I know I am. I am, because God is.
And Mama is 65, because God said so. I am wiser, because God said so. I am moving forward and I am better than ever, because God said so. I’m so glad God speaks about me.
ps. My dinner deserves a shout-out. Courtesy of Dad by way of Outback Steakhouse, this grilled salmon is glazed with honey and bacon; I added cheese and bacon to the potatoes. I also cooked spinach, because greens! Yum to my Tum!
I am Eryka