Dear Diary,

He’s 17 years older than me, somehow I still gave it a shot. He was so persistent. He was seemed so genuine. He was attentive and respectful, until he wasn’t. It was good, while it lasted.

Disclaimer: Desperate people do desperate things. Desperate people also see things that aren’t there in people who aren’t Capable. Pray for deliverance before you step into a hole that’s meant to destroy you.

Long story short, he wooed and romanced me and once I gave him a shot, he began treating me like I’m ordinary. The word alone puts a bad taste in my mouth. God didn’t design me to be ordinary. I’m not like every other woman and I don’t handle it well when guys attempt to treat me as such.

1. It started off real cool. He was consistent. He was assuring and patient. He said the right things. He told me things about him that really made me believe he was ready & willing to commit. 2. All of a sudden, he just wasn’t. He pursed me. Knowing I am a Christian and maintaining abstinence until marriage – he pursued me. He claimed to be celibate also. He was all in, then suddenly, missing in action. He went from extremely attached to as single as single gets.

3. He still thinks he has some claim to me. Let’s see, there was the one month of pretend bliss followed by what’s now been 2 months of inconsistency and too many dropped balls to count – and in his mind, I’m still an option.

Funny thing is: I never was an option. I wasn’t an option to Jesus. The alternative was literally suffering and death and Jesus still decided when it comes to me, there is no other option. In return, I choose to live my life with no other option. It’s Jesus, or Jesus. Plan A is Jesus. So is plan B-M and all the way to -Z. So when it comes to relationships, I understand a few things better today than three months ago.

1. I am enough, all by myself. God has no plans of revoking my salvation or my purpose simply because I’m unwed. My marital status doesn’t hinder or amplify my gifts. God crafted me in such a way that I am valuable and useful as an individual.

2. Relationships are additive. If it doesn’t add to you, it’s taking from you – point blank, period. Because I am enough, an unhealthy relationship, much like a plague, eats away at what is otherwise fearfully and wonderfully made. Being married isn’t life, but instead is an ornament on the tree of life.

3. Broken people build broken relationships. If I’m not whole, I have less to offer and I’m probably going to inappropriately pull from my spouse in an effort to become filled. This is extremely unhealthy. Nothing affects the soul like a relationship does. This is why God Himself initiates a relationship with us. While relationships are not the full of life, they can have purpose in life.

This leads me to my last revelation,

4. Relationships are like boats. Entering a friendship or business/romantic relationship is like getting on a ship. You’re going to end up somewhere. It’s smart to know what the possibilities are. A gambler will probably lead you to debt. A womanizer will most likely persuade you to step out on your wife. In the same way, a strong minded believer can encourage you when you’re weary. A prayerful friend can intercede for you when words fail.

For a moment, my desires and feelings led me into distraction but I am grateful for the word and the blood that guides me towards Deliverance.

I am a Queen. Queens don’t leave their thrones to address peasants. Dude is seriously blessed to have had my attention at all, especially considering how he misrepresented himself, but I learned a very significant lesson.

It’s important to evaluate each Individual that comes to jump on your ship or who seeks to decorate your tree. Not every compliment leads to companionship. Not every conversation is meant to be a friendship.

There’s wisdom in knowing the difference between friendliness and friendship. Everybody that claps for you isn’t really on your side. Maybe they only want you to believe they care long enough to get your guard down. Be wise. Be watchful. Your soul is valuable. Guard your ship. Protect your tree.

Moral of the story: Wait on God to make an introduction. He knows you. He knows what you need, how to deliver it and when it will benefit you most. Patience, grasshopper. I am Delivered from Desperation. To God be the Glory!

I am Eryka.

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