Recently I went to war with my toe, an ingrown nail to be specific. What began as a simple attempt to remove an irritating nail led to weeks of soreness and even some blood. Through all of these foot injuries I encounter, I’m constantly learning about Walking & Healing.
They both require movement.
They both require skill.
They both require time.
Impatience and what my eyes see tell me ‘I don’t have time.’ But God doesn’t exist in time. He can’t be measured by time, nor can his actions.
When I sprang my left ankle, I was told it would heal in 3-5 Days. That was before I also sprang the right ankle. That was before I disobeyed the suggestion to rest. A month and a half later, I am so grateful that at some point during the 2nd or 3rd week, I surrendered to healing & relearned to walk.
I was not paralyzed and I did not forget how to physically walk, but it was extremely difficult those first few days. The first day that both feet were injured I literally couldn’t walk. I rolled around in my desk chair still trying to do everything myself. I wouldn’t receive much help from my parents and I kept handling things. Inside I was only becoming more frustrated and feeling more of the pain. The same happened to my heart/soul. Divorce hurts. Being sexually abused or mishandled hurts. Bullies are mean. The first 29 years of my life has brought a LOT of baggage and blindly I’ve been carrying it. (Big mistake!)
Instead of stopping to be healed by the skilled one, I kept going, doing, being in my own ability. I never truly gave God a chance to use His skill on my situation. I would try to let Him in, but surgery is not comfortable. Surgery irritates the problem on the way to the solution and in a blocked state of mind, one can easily mistake healing for punishment. Just as a hysterectomy or appendectomy requires cutting and stitching, so does emotional healing. What was an invisible wound becomes a very obvious scar during the healing process, but God has designed it so the blood of Jesus covers and heals with time.
Before I said God doesn’t live in time, but He does operate with time. He works with time. He created time and allows it to have certain effects. A divorced woman is not ready to remarry the day after she leaves court. No one should walk on a sprained ankle the same or next day. Not because it’s forbidden, but because it’s counterproductive. I could not find relief from the hangnail nor the hurt feet until I surrendered my will. I poked and pulled at my toe for two days until it bled. Why Eryka?! In my mind, I just wanted to make it go away, but in God’s reality, the nail had to grow some in order for the tool to be able to pull it out. When time was right the ingrown piece literally just slipped out. Pain ceased. Time matters but it’s not an idol. God uses time. Time cannot be against us because God is not against us. I’m not sure when, but at some point after I decided to stay in the house for an entire week and I surrendered to rest the pain left my feet. Time.
Society quickly tells us to “Shake back” and “move on” when we’re hurt but I’m here to tell you not to believe the hype. Growth takes time. Growth creates wounds and some wounds require time to heal, but ultimately growth produces healing. It’s as simple as that.
Moving on too soon most times leads to coping. Coping is what we do to keep life as normal as possible all the while we’re in excruciating pain. Coping is the masks we wear. Coping is the belief that change is not okay. The truth is, Coping is not okay. Why? Because coping leads to:
•Backsliding/ Habitual Sin
Coping is not living.
So instead of Coping, let’s begin Walking and Healing!
Walking requires help. Think about little babies. Their minds figure out that their legs are more than the toes they chew on and they want to figure out how to make them do what Mama & Daddy’s legs are doing – but they don’t just get up and walk. Ideally, the baby will have a walker to play in and at some point the adults around them will begin to hold their hand and guide them and over time, they just take off. It’s the same with spiritual walking. We are reborn when we believe and are baptized in Jesus’ name. That means that we must relearn how to do life. Sure, some of us may have been adults when we were baptized, but the first day of our relationship with Christ is, in my opinion, is more significant & challenging than the day we exit the womb. The enemy starts to really attack once we’re adopted into God’s family. Although I had experienced trauma as a youth, I had not truly been injured until I was reborn in Christ. Truth has a way of opening up our eyes to see not only what is, but what was and what could be.
When I really began to abide in the word, I realized that not only do I not know everything, I don’t even know what I don’t know. It’s that deep. So I must be humble, focused and obedient. That is how one learns to walk. That’s where vision is born.
Healing is complex. As I have already detailed in the earlier part of this blog, God uses time to perfect healing. God also uses rest to complete healing. Most importantly, God uses injury to draw healing.
When my dog was attacked in October, I went into trauma victim mode. I stayed there far too long. I became defensive and constantly offended. Fear was the most visible thing I could see and all I could think of was pain. Then the foot injuries happened. Having to stop and deal with my physical injuries has led me to a place where not only do I believe healing is possible, but I can see it! I have been delivered and healed in spiritual things all because of the pain of physical injury. The reason it’s working now unlike before is because of my posture. I am surrendered. I don’t want to cope. I don’t want to be okay. I want to be great because Jesus is great.
I am walking and I am healing – in body and soul.
I’m wearing short heels now and will soon be back in my inches. (Stilettos and such) The skin is growing back where I terrorized my toenail. I have forgiven myself. I am releasing and releasing and releasing everything and everyone that has caused insult to injury. I am dedicated to becoming better which without my help at all, is healing me.
God has a way that we can not manipulate. We cannot measure or time him. We can’t tell him how to work or who to use. All we can do is believe and surrender; surrender and believe.
The original thought that inspired this blog was how an invisible injury such as a hernia or gall-stone may look worse after healing begins, but the body is better for the process. The same applies to us as the body of Christ. No, I didn’t deserve to be abused and you didn’t and don’t deserve to be abandoned, molested, wronged or hurt in any way! Let’s shift our perspective. We are not victims. It was never about whether we deserve the pain or not but always about the fact that as children of God, we deserve, through Christ, to have a front row seat to his Glory. We are Victors.
Even the pain and the trauma is a tool. Do yourself a favor and release control of the tool – you don’t have the skill, God does.
I’m walking and colliding with healing on the way to my destiny. You’re more than welcome to join me.
#TeamJESUS – We follow the leader and the leader is Christ.
I am Eryka