Personal

Ex, Why, Z

I saw my ex boyfriend at the gas station. I pulled in first, then he did. I put the parked car in drive and began to drive off the parking lot. I turned around, parked and decided to go and get what I needed.

He doesn’t own the Earth. I can go inside a store where he is, right? Ironically, or not, he was getting in the car and leaving by the time I finished pulling in and out of the parking lot, but we did make eye-contact. I waved and went on with my day.

Being as this ex is also my neighbor, he ended up turning on our street behind me which is strange because he left the store before me.

Why did I attempt to avoid him?

Well honestly because my heart still skips a beat when I see him. I’m certain it’s not a butterflies type deal, but something in me powers on when I see him, if only for a second. Avoiding Him, well trying to, didn’t make the feeling go away. I don’t think I want him back. We ended before we really began. Obviously God knows what’s best. Still, I actually tried to avoid Him. That’s kinda bothering me.

He was my neighbor before we went on dates. He was a resident of the city before he was a contact in my phone. I’ve bumped into him at the store multiple times. It should be no different yet, it is.

That brings me to my point, what’s done is done and can’t be undone. No day can be relived no moment occurs twice. Once something happens, it’s up to us to receive and respond – not run. I am a Queen. Queens don’t hide. He didn’t get me and he has to live with that. Why should I hide? When I hide, I withhold my essence. Not that it’s all about me or that he even pays any attention to me, but what’s the use of a Grand piano if it’s never played?

I will continue to shine. I will continue to smile. I will keep building. I will grow. I will become an even better version of myself. I will live and I will do it well!

As I walked past him with my head held high draped in my favorite blue dress, I waved with confidence. God is with me, so I fear no thing. Jesus is my portion so I lack no thing. I know it, and I bet that ex and ever other x,y,z does too. In the words of Beyoncé’, “I bet it sucks to be you (him) right now.”

I am Eryka

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